Too Hot to Handle

"Honey, can you get the door? Yeah, just like that ..."

Found on PhotoshopDisasters. A special thanks to Sweden.

He Drove Eleanor Roosevelt

Cabbie Story: Last night I did a reading at Bluestocking Books, a great little indie bookstore. After the reading, a cabbie in attendance -- he drove for 30 years, looked older than Jesus, and had a soft voice -- told me this story:

It was many years ago, and I was driving, and Eleanor Roosevelt got into my cab! She was on the road campaigning for Adlai Stevenson. [I5t was 1952. Stevenson was governor of Illinois and the Democratic presidential candidate. He lost to Eisenhower. Thank you, Wikipedia. And if the driver was, say, 25 at the time, that would make him 82 today. Thank you, calculator.]

I wasn't a talkative guy, so I minded my own businesses and drove her where she needed to go. She got out.

When I got back to the garage and told the guys who was in my cab, all they asked was, how did she tip?

(Her White House portrait is above.)

Turkey Taxi Tales - Big Bottomed Girls

I scored this fab taxi story over the Thanksgiving turkey. And for those who would chide me for posting this so many days after the fact, I have one word -- tryptophancoma. Look it up in the dictionary.

As told by the headless woman holding up the fine bird: I was in a cab yesterday, and the driver started talking to me. He told me how his wife had gotten really fat over the past few years. As in 250 pounds fat. He didn’t know what to do about it.

His friends suggested he get his wife a job, so she’d walk around more and loose weight. So he got her a job working on the subways. But she’s still fat.

[TaxiCon: Yeah, nothing like working in the smelly, concrete, underground to make you feel like loosing weight.]

I even started complimenting other family members in front of her on their shapely figures, hoping it would encourage her to take off pounds.

[TaxiCon: What? You’re complimenting other Family Members on their bodies? In front of your wife? Hide the kitchen knives and rat poison! Also, please, please say you’re not related to these 'younger family members' by blood. Third cousins I can deal with, but that’s it. I’m looking at you, Woody Allen.]

We aren’t even having relations anymore. We haven’t in years. I’m telling you all this because I know I’m never going to see you again.

[TaxiCon: I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here and say you're not 'having relations' with your wife because you keep telling her 15-year-old sister she looks hot. Just sayin'.]

Taxi Scammers Charged!

In news bursting with holiday cheer, the authorities charged 18 people with running driver scams on unsuspecting tourists trying to reach other parts of NYC from JFK or LaGuardia Airports.

In short, the scammers ripped the tourists off. In short, the scammers can now go to jail for up to 90 days. My favorite sentence from the New York Post article is also short -- "...hustlers should be forewarned: This is the end of the road,” said Port Authority Chairman Anthony Coscia."" Get it? End of the road?

In related news, a taxi driver featured in My Book used to run airport scams; he also had a friend who figured out how to speed up the meter, overcharging each fare; he constantly smoked pot and drove faster than 100 mph. Did I also mention he's a tall, muscled guy who favors a leather trench coat? Oh yeah.

Taxis and Credit Cards - the dark side

Remember how the other day I commented on a New York Times article lauding the credit card as saving the New York taxi industry while the rest of the economy was flushed down the toilet?

Today, I'm hooking you up with a dissenting opinion, an op-ed in the Huffington Post by Melissa Plaut, NYC Taxi driver extraordinaire and author of Hack: How I Stopped Worrying About What to Do with My Life and Started Driving a Yellow Cab.

Her point? Yes, plastic has kept the industry afloat, but drivers appear to be taking a pay cut due to "credit card processing fees, payment delays, bunk cards, chargebacks, and system failures."

Discuss amongst yourselves. Or, even better, in the 'comment' section below.

Laziness, and Taxi Stories on WNYC's Brian Lehrer

Alright, here's the deal. I've been remiss in my blogging because I started a full-time job this month. Yes, my first fulll-time job in years. It's great, but it's putting a cramp into my blogging. (What, you mean I have to get out of bed and get to work every single morning?? And I shouldn't blog from the office?)

But not today. Today you're getting a post. That said, I'm kinda cheating. After being interviewed by WNYC's Brian Lehrer, people wrote into their website with their own taxicab stories. Check them out here. And I promise, soon I will be back in my full blogging glory.

Taxi driver opera singer

My friend was in a cab and totally dug the opera music the driver was listening to. She asked him what he was listening to and, wouldn't you know, he was listening to himself. The guy's an opera singer, driving a cab to help fund his dream.

She got his 411, so I'm going to give him a call and see if I can score an MP3 to share with you guys. Because you need to know.

Credit Cards Keep Cabbies Afloat

Remember the days when NYC's cabbies went on strike because they were being forced to accept credit cards?

Well, guess what implimentation is keeping the cabbies afloat in a dour economy while the limo services go belly up? Yep, credit cards. And according to this New York Times article, the use of credit cards is even bringing the cabbies bigger tips.

This is probably not the time for me to rant about the economic dangers of consumer credit card debt...

The Greatest Taxi Filming You in the Backseat

There's an NYC cabbie out there who films his passengers while he drives.

Creepy? Maybe. But he's making a movie, so it's a bit less creepy, right?

This information came to me from astute passenger, Ryan, who was in this guy's cab. (He believes he signed a waiver saying the could use the footage, but there was alcohol involved, and details got a bit fuzzy.)

In payment for appearing in the films, he gives his passengers drawings like the one above -- thanks Ryan! -- in lieu of cash.

Oh, and he calls himself "The Greatest Taxi." So the ego's intact.

Cab Crucible

Story, as told by Kaja Perina: My own most harrowing ride happened when a cabbie lacerated my arm by shutting the trunk on it back in Aug 2002. I still bear a large scar.

I was at LaGuardia Airport en route home from a psych conference. I was on one side of the trunk, the cabbie on the other. I threw my laptop into the trunk, and just as I was doing so the cabbie slammed down the trunk and the sharp edge lacerated my upper arm as I tried to pull away.

And it bled.

I bled all over his cab but refused to go the hospital. I wasn't thinking straight and weirdly just apologized for bleeding in his cab! (I was later told I should have gotten stitches.)

He kept apologizing and asking if I was okay, probably genuinely concerned and also concerned about a lawsuit. I thought about getting the medallion number but was in too much pain. Also, I had health insurance, so I figured why get the guy in trouble; it was clearly an accident.

(This photo shows you what Kaja's arm could have looked like, had she been less lucky.)

Baby Born in Cab -- Urban Legend Lives

An impatient baby girl was recently born in the back of a speeding cab.

According to the New York Post article, daddy helped deliver the baby in the backseat when the kid, named Alice Adeline Proctor, decided to pop out while the cab cruised from the Upper West Side to New York University's medical center.

The article said Mom was only in labor for two hours, which seems lucky, until you factor in the bit about giving birth in a cab, which doesn't really seem ideal. For anyone. I mean, people, there's not a lot of space back there for mom, dad and baby. And the clean-up had to be something else.

One of my favorite stories in Taxi Confidential involves a baby being born, but with a few added twists. For one, the parents -- a young Orthodox Jewish couple -- were incapacitated with panic, and the driver -- who delivered the baby -- was a kind Pakistani Muslim and a father of six.

(above photo Alice by Michelle Farsi)

Brian Lehrer Stories

This morning, I was on WNYC -- Brian Lehrer's famed New York public radio show.

And it was great. Not only because I idolize Brian Lehrer, but because three of my favorite cab drivers featured in my book called in.

Osman Chowdhury -- who found a suitcase of diamond rings in the trunk of his cab, and returned it to the owner, who had given him a measly 30 cent tip earlier that day.

Seth Goldman -- a New York born-and-bred cabbie who grew up idolizing comedic icon Mel Brooks, and wound up with the legend in his cab. (In fact, he took drove him to his hit Broadway show, The Producers.)

Davidson Garrett -- who's hair-raising tail includes three prostitutes, a john, a crowbar, and a brand-new cab.

New Yorkers called in to the radio show with their favorite stories:

One woman told how she had only a few minutes to get from the Upper West Side down towards Grand Central, how the cabbie peeled down the road, how they estimated her fare and made change before the cab even reached Grand Central, and then -- as she leap out of the cab -- he shouted after her 'Run baby run!'

Want to hear more? Listen to the podcast here.

Ahmadou from Guinea

I met a fantastic cabbie Friday night – Ahmadou from Guinea. First off, he speaks 8 languages – English, French, Arabic and a number of African languages that I’m too ignorant to have heard of before.

On cell phones:
Me: What do you think about the TLC banning cabbies from using cell phones?
Ahmadou: It can get very dull, driving. And talking on the phone to wives or children can help cabbies stay alert.
Spencer (my friend, also in the cab): I think banning cells is a terrible idea. Why should cabbies – the best drivers in New York – not be allowed to talk on the phone while everyone else still can?
Ahmadou: (nods his head)
Me: Who do you talk to on the phone?
Ahmadou: I talk to my wife. And when she goes to bed, I talk to my friend who is also a cab driver.
Spencer: It’s just stupid. This whole debate is just stupid. Let them use phones!

(Note: As I wrote earlier, I would prefer no drivers use phones, but Ahmadou made a good point.)

Talk radio:
Ahmadou listens to slews of talk radio in his cab. He listens to the BBC, French talk radio, and WNYC’s Brian Lehrer every day. At which point I interjected that I’m slated to be interviewed by Brian Lehrer for Taxi Confidential this Wednesday Oct. 28 (10:45 a.m., people, tune in!). We continued talking about our admiration for Brain Lehrer.

Pieces of Ahmadou’s story:
Ahmadou said people in his country learn many languages because they’re looking for work outside the country. Languages are the key.

His dad wanted him to learn Arabic and study the Koran. So he did. At the time, he did it to please his father. Now, he realizes how lucky he was that his father asked him to study Arabic, because of the world it opened up for him.

His father thought he should further his studies in Saudi Arabia, but Ahmadou wanted to go to England. His father relented. Ahmadou worked for 3 years as an Arabic teacher, but he just couldn’t get into England’s schools. Instead, he got the opportunity to come to the United States.

And he couldn’t be happier that things worked out this way. “It’s like my country,” he said regarding his feelings for the U.S. Here, he could enroll in college before he got his greencard (unlike his friends in England), and he could go out to clubs and live his life without constantly fearing deportation. Here, he met his wife, who is also from Guinea.

And then we reached my apartment, said how much we’d enjoyed he conversation, and said goodbye.

Jude Law and my book

Today, Jude Law got his hands on Taxi Confidential.

Here's the story: My good friend, Lee Bob, saw Jude Law walk into a shop. So he followed him in and gave him a copy of my book. Short and sweet.

And now, let's collectively give thanks for our friends.

When your driver just got out of jail

Passenger Story, by anonymous: It was 6 a.m., and I was catching a plane for a business trip. I live in Brooklyn, and you can’t find yellow cabs there, so I called a discount car service.

This driver seemed pleasant enough, and he was a talker.

"Wow, this is great,” the driver began. “I really needed this fare. Thanks man.”

I told him no problem, and told him I was heading to LaGuardia’s Delta terminal.

"Yeah, when dispatch called me to pick you up, I was pretty happy,” the driver continued. “I could use the money. I had a tough weekend."

My curiosity was piqued. "Oh, I’m sorry, what happened?” I asked, figuring he was going to share an amusing yarn in hopes of scoring a bigger tip.

“Well, I was in jail all weekend,” he said. “I just got released, like, an hour ago."

Um, okay. I probed further. “That’s too bad. What happened?"

"Well, the police found cocaine and some drugs in this car. But they weren't my drugs. I leant this car to my friend, and he must have put them in there."

Well shit.