Too Hot to Handle

"Honey, can you get the door? Yeah, just like that ..."

Found on PhotoshopDisasters. A special thanks to Sweden.

Angenlina Jolie Rejected (!) by Sexy Brooklyn Limo Driver

Gossip: Can it possibly be true? This story does come from my trusted source, former Northside driver…

A few years back, a not-yet-famous-but-still-smoking-hot Angelina Jolie allegedly regularly took Williamsburg’s limo service, Northside. Every time she called them, she requested car #91, driven by a sexy Hungarian with the traditional Hungarian name of … Billy.

If Billy already had a customer, Angie waited till he was free.

Everyone at Northside joked about Billy’s ‘special’ customer. (Was she really Angelina? Kinda hard to confirm, that). But she was crazy sexy, and she clearly had a thing for the Hungarian stallion.

When Angelina climbed into Billy’s backseat, she would start talking to him, engaging him in conversation. A few times, she asked him out to dinner. Shockingly, Billy declined. Every time. He was in a relationship, and despite having a solid track record of cheating, he wanted to be mature and stick by his lady.

Note: This may be the only time in history Angelina Jolie didn’t get the guy. (Sorry Jen).

The other Northside drivers told him he was crazy for ditching the sexy lady. But Billy stuck to his guns, and over time, Angie stopped calling Northside.

Then Tomb Raider came out in 2001.

And all the Northside drivers – including Billy – recognized her. They were in shock. Billy’s sense of maturity flew out the window and his sense of regret settled in like an albatross. “He sooo couldn’t believe he didn’t go out with her. He felt like shooting himself in the head,” Aura told me, adding that this story can be confirmed with Northside’s older drivers, as well as poor Billy, who today drives car #191.

You knew what I want? A picture of Billy. So if any of you happen to hitch a ride with car #191 and have a camera on hand, you know what to do. (This pic of Angelina was taken in 2000).

Thanks for the party - and a sexy story

Thanks to everyone who came to the launch party for Taxi Confidential last night and afterwards bought me those drinks that make me feel so braindead today. You're the best.

A quick synopsis of the event: real live cabbies and hilarity.

I also heard my new favorite cab driver story. I'll tell it in code: It involves a Jewish taxi driver, a Hasidic passenger, a question about being kosher, and a reply that includes the term "goyische" with a reference to a specific sex act.

Puzzles are a gift. They save you from boredom. I'll let your massive brains connect the dots.